Hard Week

This week has been hard.  As in I flew all the way to mars just to jump off. I keep hoping that my new medication will kick in.  But so far I just feel crappy, tired, irritable, paranoid and sad all the time.  Today I spent most of the day crying and I could not stop it.  And trying to hide it from my two sibling was hard. Most of the time I just said I poked my eye.
I remember when I was swimming last summer out pretty far on the west side of the island.  I was never scared of the water or animals that live in the ocean so I would push my limits when I swam.  I had my flippers and snorkel on and dived down for a shell when I got caught by some netting someone threw away.  I didn't panic and grabbed for the net.  I can hold my breath for along time so I wasn't worried.  After a while of me trying to untangle myself I could feel my lungs start straining. scared now I cut my hands pulling on the lines of the net. I got free but I got mad at myself for not having a back up plan. All the people I know that dive or snorkel carry a dive knife for a safety back up plan.
Working thru my life now I try and give myself a back up plan for safety.
Since I still don't have my mental self under control or steady yet My back up plan consists of Doctor visits and my family.
I hope that I will be able to live with it and not in fear of it soon. but until then Ill just keep to my Doctor visits every two weeks.

Kindest Regards,

MOrgan